I have not posted here in a while. I have been tatting - I have things to show for sure. But I need to express myself today. This is not tatting related so skip if you want. It is me needing to put a horrible event in to perspective and gain control to move on. On the 10th July I lost the one most important thing in my life quite unexpectedly and nothing has really seemed worthwhile.
To those of you who knew Jamie in person or through his (usually wicked) forays into the chats on MSN you will know how much he loved life, a good laugh, good company and that he gave me his incredible support in my chosen vice - tatting.
To those of you who did not know him. You have missed knowing one of the most charming, intelligent, caring and loving individuals that has ever walked this earth.
I have to post here - my voice to the outside world. I have to have an avenue to express publicly how much this man meant to me. Get it out there in words. But the words are so hard to find. Nothing I can say would come close to the reality of such a brilliant life together.
We had an incredible 23 years together. He was my best mate, lover, confidante, partner in all aspects of my life and all round gorgeous human being. He had an ability to put everyone at ease from the very first meeting. His laugh coming easily to him and his quick wit always able to make everyone feel good.
He was always at his happiest outdoors. There was always some new wonder awaiting him that he wanted to share with me. From an unusual insect to looking into the sky on a clear night and contemplating the universe. Everything was a opportunity to learn for Jamie and he excelled at anything he turned his hand to. He was an incredible horseman. Unruly beasts becoming putty in his hands with never a harsh word or action. His dogs - well behaved, obedient and true to their master without the need for anything more than words. Any job that needed doing - he was able to nut out a solution to and enjoyed the process.
I will miss everything about him. The phone calls when we were apart for more than a few hours, the quiet companionship at home sitting together- just being near - enough for us both. Riding horses in the forest. Travelling for the sake of travelling and discovering something wondrous at every turn. So many fantastic memories. Such a tragic and senseless end to it all.
Most of all I will miss his embrace. Arms always open to me at any time. Safety, sanctuary and protection at the ready.
Goodbye my mate. You are irreplaceable. Thanks for all the great times, memories, love and patience you have shown towards me in our time together. I would not trade it for anything. I miss you so much.